mmmmm

So its getting harder and harder every day now........i mean i just miss talking to him and being with him when i get off work you know. I just don't understand how he could do this to me. I need to get away from this area. I dont ant to run i just need to take a few days and just relax and clear my head. I just keep going and going and i don't stop cause i hurt so bad. But im starting to realize i need to so im thinking about taking some of my money and asking for some time off and leaving for a little while. I am not totally sure. I just constantly feel like my heart is beating a million miles per hour and i cant catch my breath. I dunno anymore........there is nothing i can do about it i just need to learn to live with it. Anyways i love you all ttyl!

UPDATE

So Franco and I are still split up...of course. But i am slowly understanding that this is his loss and his mistake. I stayed truthful and loyal and loving throughout everything. It hurts bad sometimes,but i look at it like ok cry cara and then let it go because being sad and depressed from thinking about it isnt gonna change anything that happened or make me trust hime again.
I went on Sunday night to get all my stuff. This is when he decides to tell me that his new girl(not the one he cheated on me with but a new one her met after we split) is so awesome and he LOVES her so much....and i asked him why couldn't get that love and excitement that you show her.......and he said because you didnt love me enough and you broke my heart when you left me the first time...THATS WAS TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!! If that bothered him then why did he marry me last year?????? But anyways so he blames our marriage failing on me....of course.......but i dont understand cause i kept my body parts and emotions between my husband and myself no one else.......AHHHHHH..... sorry for freaking out,but he is dumb and i believe that one day i will find that guy that loves me for me and brings out the best in me and vise versa you know.....but im not rushing anything. I love you all and i just wanted to let you know i was ok.......